By Rev Kenneth Odhiambo
On 24th December 1983, I travelled to Nakuru from Eldama Ravine (where I was then working), specifically to buy a dress for my newly found sweetheart. I had just enough money for one dress and so I took a lot of time going in and out of several shops, searching for just the right one.
And after some Five hours of rigorous and meticulous searching, I finally found it. Hurrah! I travelled back to Ravine, feeling heroic, my heart bubbling with excitement. I was double sure that she would be so thrilled. But what a heartbreaking anti-climax! Staring at it with a weary and bored look, she finally said : "You mean, you couldn't find something better than this!" I was dumbfounded.What an unforgettable lesson ! Sometimes, we think and are so sure that we know what is best for others. And vice versa. But sometimes, even our closest and best friends may not always know what is best for us. Anyway, that did not dampen my affection for her and we actually eventually got married soon after that. And interestingly, from 1985 upto this day she has spent most of her working life selling clothes and shoes. Which has been a very serious bone of contention, in some quarters and circles. Any Pastor's wife who loves business (as she does) more than 'church work' has fallen short of the glory of God? Right?
Has she really flopped (as some think she has)by failing to conform to that idealized image of the typical and stereotypical Pastor's wife? Ideally, may be, every Pastor's wife must also be a pastor and 'behave' like one!
But with Ed Silvoso, I really do believe that there are some (even Pastor's wives)that God has “Anointed For Business” (Regal Books). That is the real book title.
“The notion that labor for profit and worship of God are worlds apart, is false. The early church founders included successful businesspeople. The writing of the gospel was entrusted to Luke, a medical doctor; Matthew, a retired tax collector; John, a food supplier; Lydia, “a dealer in purple cloth” and Dorcas, a clothes designer.” (Silvoso).
“God has a higher purpose than any stereotyped image for the women who are married to pastors – and for their families. They do not have to do and be certain things because others say so. God wants them – like everyone – to discover who they are and what they are to be (They Cry, Too!: What you Always Wanted to Know about Your Pastor but Didn't Know Whom to Ask, Lucille Lavender).
In a survey involving 42 pastors' wives, one question was to express whatever was on their minds. Here are a few reactions:
“We are programmed women. Programmed to behave like, act like, say yes to, whatever the church – especially the women – want us to do.”
“What really gets me is the mold into which the parishioners force the pastor's wife.”
“To tell you the truth, I don't fit in...I feel I've made a complete flop as a pastor's wife. But my husband insists he likes me the way I am, and that he didn't marry me to be his assistant pastor.” (Lavender). Let me confirm that I also love Margaret the way she is -.the way God made her to be. Let us stop wearing ourselves out trying to force other people to put on 'clothes' (as it were) or take on roles that God never wired them for. We are all wired differently! How so wearisome pretending to be what God never intended you to be.
There are so many myths, stereotypes and traditions concerning the spouses of pastors and other matters which many have swallowed unthinkingly. You may be wallowing in self-pity thinking that God cannot use or bless you because you are not the ideal Pastor's spouse. Don't let such lousy thinking douse your passion for the house of God and your spouse! You think you are in the wrong job, family or place? Think again! We have been made to wrongly believe that if only we moved to the “right” places or more ideal situations, God would be more pleased with us. Joseph, Daniel and Esther found themselves in situations that were less than ideal. Daniel had to come to terms with the fact that he had been forcibly taken away from his homeland and had his manhood obliterated forever. Esther had to love a pagan King she did not choose and who did not love her people. They all believed that God would work out everything for good; that God had a destiny greater and better than their present circumstances.” (Ed Silvoso). Until he finds another place for you, “each one should remain in the situation which he was when God called him.” ( 1 Cor 7: 17, 20, 24).God can still bless you right where you are, with that person or people who appear "wrong"in the eyes of some others. It is okay if you have been made a Eunuch by men - like Daniel (Matthew 19:12).Or renounced marriage like Paul. But don't force others to be like you. “Each man has his own gift from God” (1 Cor 7: 7). In all things and situations, pleasant and unpleasant, we can glorify God.
WHATEVER you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men...It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” (Colossians 3: 22-23).
[Rev Kenneth Odhiambo is a Chaplain with Masai Mara University. He previously served as a high school teacher at Mogotio and later as a minister with FGCK Mogotio. He is a skilled Bible teacher]
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