How to Resolve Conflicts among Believers

HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS AMONG BELIEVERS

By Rev James Njehia

INTRODUCTION

For as long as we dwell in the fallen bodies, conflict is inevitable. No believer is immune to conflicts. We all fail others in one way or another during our congregational duties.

When conflicts are not resolved in time, they eventually weaken the communion or fellowship of the congregation.

How do conflicts arise?

1) When a believer does or says anything that is inappropriate whether intentionally or inadvertently.

2) When the believer fails to do what is required of him or her. 

We should harness our strengths and weaknesses to resolve conflicts at the earliest opportunity.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCEDURE

How should we resolve conflicts in a Biblical way? 

Matthew 18:15-20 outlines the steps for resolving inter-Christian conflicts. 

Christian conflicts in a church community fall into two categories, namely inter-congregational conflicts and leadership related conflicts. 

How we approach one another during conflict resolution matters. We need tact and wisdom in order to avoid accelerating the conflict.

The first step is for the offended party to approach their offender with love and explain the case. If the offender admits his inadvertence, the matter is privately resolved. 

In Matthew 18:16, we notice from the words of Jesus that certain conflicts may not be resolved at the first instance.

Some offenders may refuse to admit their fault often because of their pride and spiritual immaturity.

Again this depends on the nature of offense in question.  

In this case, the offended party should involve other mature, faithful and nonpartisan believers who should patiently hear both parties and judge on the matter with prudence and impartiality. They should never take sides on the conflict.

This exhortation is consistent with the teaching of Deuteronomy 19:15 which speaks of the involvement of two or three witnesses in communal conflict resolution procedure among the children of Israel.

The third step outlined in Matthew 18:17 is to refer the conflict to the Church if it fails to be resolved at the second instance. This is contextually understood to involve the congregational leadership who will hear the matter on behalf of the church. In this way, the privacy of the patties is protected.

If the offender defies the verdict of the church leaders, he or she should be suspended from the church fellowship or communion and be subjected to church discipline in accordance with established procedure. 

In 1 Corinthians 5:5, we notice Paul's verdict relating to the moral sin in the Corinthian congregation. It was reported to Paul that the offender slept or cohabited with his stepmother, an immoral act that was not acceptable even among the pagan society of the day. 

The believer apparently continued in fellowship with the church despite the sinful act! It appears that the church leadership was aware of the offense but seemingly overlooked it until the Apostle provided spiritual direction on the matter (cf. 1 Corinthians 5:2-5). The man was finally suspended from fellowship. 

Once an offender is removed or suspended from church fellowship, he is likely to lose the joy of salvation (Psalm 51:12). This is not to suggest that he ceases to be a believer. 

If he was a congregational leader, he ceases to exercise the functions of his office at that point. This is to avoid conflict of interest and to help him focus on his spiritual restoration.

LESSONS FROM THE CORINTHIAN CASE

Some conflicts such as the Corinthian case arise from the conduct of the believer with people outside the congregation. In the Corinthian case, the spiritual status of the step mother is not identified. It is safe to assume that she was not a believer. 

During his suspension on church discipline, the offender should demonstrate remorse and the fruit of repentance before he can be restored back to fellowship (cf. Psalm 51:10-17; 2 Corinthians 2:3-11). 

The primary purpose for church discipline is restoration rather than alienation of the believer. 

In 2 Corinthians 2:3-11, Paul appears to be referring to the offender mentioned in his first letter. In the Corinthian case, the believer was apparently suspended for unnecessarily too long and this would have injured the offender's faith had Paul not intervened (see 2 Corinthians 2:6-11). 

Paul appeals to the Corinthian congregation to forgive the offender and restore him to fellowship. Some Bible commentators say that the incident had possibly tainted the standing of the congregation because of the protracted approach taken.

Other commentators however say the two incidents may be unrelated since there's nothing expressly negating the possibility that the second incident was a separate case.

Most Bible commentators however agree that the two accounts refer to the same incident at different stages.

RESOLVING LEADERSHIP RELATED CONFLICTS

Some church conflicts may involve congregation leaders. In this case, the Bible teaches that charges against elders or pastors should be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses (1 Timothy 5:19-20). This procedure is intended to protect them from malicious accusations by those opposed to their leadership.

Once the offense is established, the offender should be openly rebuked in the congregation so that others may fear.

There are however civil and criminal offences that may require the involvement of the state authorities. For instance, allegations on serious crimes such as theft or physical violence should referred to the law enforcement agencies even as church discipline is considered. 

Every believer should submit to the authority of his congregational leadership during the resolution of conflicts and when under church discipline. They should be willing to admit and confess their offences in the fear of the Lord at first instance so that they are expeditiously resolved. 

Those who are offended should on their part be willing to forgive their offenders who seek forgiveness for their offences. This is evidence of spiritual maturity. We should always remember that no believer is  perfect. We should learn to apologise when we offend others by our acts of commission or omission. 

In this way, our Christian communities will remain strong and grow in spiritual maturity in the knowledge of Christ [cf. Ephesians 4:11-16].

]Rev James M. Njehia is senior pastor, AIC Wilson Airport, Nairobi]. 

© Ezekiel Kimosop Teaching Series 2020