By Ezekiel Kimosop
INTRODUCTION
Have you ever heard or muttered this statement in deep frustration: "what's wrong with kids nowadays?"
You are not alone. Several parents have hit snapping points with the rising level of rebellion and defiance among today's generation of young people, especially urban youth. Worse even, the Western libertarian culture is quickly taking shape in the rural settings as well, thanks to the reign of social media and online culture that knows no bounds. Youth rebellion, substance abuse and delinquency are alarmingly becoming prevalent.
This raises legitimate questions... how can our children, some of who we raised in Sunday school and teen classes, end up in rebellion at the peak of their youthful lives? Is there a missing link that we failed to connect in the upbringing of these children?
LESSONS FROM ABSALOM SON OF DAVID
Turning to Scripture, we find several illustrations of what can be considered as spoilt children, especially young men, whose moral depiction in Scripture reminds us that youth rebellion defies human civilizations.
I can think of Solomon and his moral excesses, Rehoboam, Samson and his escapades despite being a Nazarite, among others. I will however pick on one Bible character, Absalom son of David, for our moral illustration. It is my view that Absalom's case depicts the intrigues in the circles of nobility in ancient Israel for a royal lineage whose patriarch, David, understood pain, affliction and anguish in his youth. My view is that there is so much more to learn from Absalom's royal misadventures. I will however pen down a brief evaluation.
David, Absalom's father was himself deprived, ostracized and was compelled to lead a fugitive life in Philistine territory for a period that some scholars estimate at 10-13 years after being anointed King [1 Samuel 16, 29-31]. Absalom appears to depict a total contrast to David's measured life.
Absalom was a handsome and charming prince but that was perhaps the only positive adjectives that could describe him. Scripture portrays him as an ambitious, unruly and restless royal who lived ahead of his time. He acted through impulse rather than reason.
In 2 Samuel 3:3, Absalom is listed as the third son of David. His mother was Maacah daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur, an Assyrian kingdom. Absalom was privileged to be a product of royalty on both sides of his parentage...
Could this royal heritage trajectory be somewhat linked to his plethora of mischief? Could the mother, an Assyrian princess in her own right, have negatively influenced the character of young Absalom? These are some of the difficult questions that confront the reader of Scripture.
In 2 Samuel 13, we read about the heinous plot by Absalom under which he murdered his half brother Amnon in an act of revenge after the latter raped his sister, Tamar. It is instructive that Absalom thereafter fled to Geshur to take refuge among his uncles...
Despite his handsome or comely looks reported in 2 Samuel 14:25, Absalom was decidedly a spoilt boy, a royal rebel per excellence whose moral reigns were broken. His outrage is understandable but his secret murder plot was unacceptable. He should have allowed the royal judicial system to take its course against Amnon.
Surprisingly, his father David forgave him for the murder of his half brother Amnon. This was because of the provocation brought about by the incestuous rape. It is also possible that his influential uncles petitioned David to spare the life of the young prince following his escape to Geshur. Interestingly, Joab was behind the royal intrigues leading to David's forgiveness of Absalom!
Absalom was not done with his royal mischief. He went on to plot other schemes in open defiance. He did not appear to have learned any lessons from his previous deviant acts.
In second incident recorded in Scripture, Absalom instructed his servants to set on fire Joab's ripe and uncut barley crop in an act of revenge after Joab refused to take him to see his father David (2 Samuel 14:28-30). At this point, Absalom had been in isolation for the murder of Amnon. This restriction was in furtherance of a royal decree. It was two years since Absalom returned from Geshur and his impatience got the better of him.
David had graciously offered a royal pardon to Absalom following his murder of Amnon but there was a caveat. David proclaimed that Absalom should not be allowed to appear before the king for a given period of time. This effectively implied that Absalom's royal status was downgraded. He was a persona non grata within the royal courts for the duration contemplated by the royal decree. Absalom finally got a chance to see his father and the two embraced and reconciled (2 Samuel 14:25-33). David loved the young prince despite his despicable conduct.
2 Samuel 14 reveals that Absalom plotted a third act of mischief. He set himself up as a royal gatekeeper, a "deep-state" kind of personality, in order to endear himself to the people of Israel and subvert the royal authority of his father.
Scripture says that Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel (2 Samuel 15:6). He became popular in the royal corridors and his father was deeply worried on learning of this development but he did nothing to restrain him.
It appears that following David's dereliction in reigning in on the ambitious prince, tragedy after tragedy followed.
Finally, Absalom in his growing fame, attempted a jackpot heist. He plotted a palace coup and succeeded in mounting a surprise rebellion against David. The young prince had come of age. He sought to unseat his father! Absalom had initially lied to his father David that he was heading to Hebron to pay a vow before God. When David caught wind of Absalom's plot, he quickly left Jerusalem.
Absalom temporarily deposed his father before his rebellion was finally crushed by the royal army. Absalom fled David's army and died under tragic circumstances while under hot pursuit by Joab, David's commander. Joab, [an evil man] killed Absalom despite the royal orders from David that they should not harm the rebel prince (2 Samuel 18). Did Joab perhaps use the opportunity to revenge for Absalom's burning of his uncut crop?
Absalom's life came to a tragic end in what would pass for an epic movie script.
CONCLUSION
David loved Absalom exceedingly and this could have contributed to the delinquency identified with the young man and his unfortunate demise. He failed to exercise his parental and royal authority in chastising his sons.
We learn from 1 Kings 1:6 that David was equally soft on Adonijah, one of his sons by Haggith, who later rebelled against him in the royal succession matrix. Adonijah also unsuccessfully attempted to mount a palace coup with the support of a few close confidants of David including Joab and Abiathiar the priest. Joab was later executed by Solomon under the instructions of his father David for the murder of Abner, Saul's commander who had defected to David upon Saul's death recorded in 1 Samuel 31. Abiathiar the priest was defrocked by Solomon, bringing to a close the priesthood lineage of Eli as prophesied by Samuel (see 1 Samuel 3-4).
It is possible that David was too lenient on his sons. He may also have been too busy fighting battles that he had little time for his large polygamous family.
Yes, we all desire the best for our children but when we spoil them with the sumptuous things of life and fail to chastise them as appropriate, we could be setting them up for a difficult future.
Many of us who grew up in humble settings in the upcountry in the 70s and 80s went through hardships in schooling and by the time we came to the city to seek college education and career, we had tested the pains and afflictions of life and this foundation set us up for endurance.
Those of us who are now raising children in towns should learn life lessons from the illustrations that we can draw from Scripture and the practical circumstances of life that we can observe in our generation.
How should we train a child in the midst of the contemporary cultural pressure that increasingly shifts their focus away from parental guidance? How should we deal with the excesses of our youth today? Where is the missing link?
How can we get these young people to understand and appreciate that pain and affliction are part of what makes dependable men and women in society? These are among the many questions we must wrestle with today as we raise our children.
Having said as much, I must reckon that parenting is no easy task. It is as complex as walking through a labyrinth web. No one can claim perfection in this noble duty. Our children also develop their personalities through the influence of the prevailing culture that is unique to their generation.
However, parental guidance and moral interventions are indispensable for character building. Let us prayerfully approach this noble duty while trusting God for His enabling grace.
Scripture says in Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it."
Let me conclude with words of advice for the young people who are reading this article. You have a responsibility to heed the wise counsel of your parents, guardians, mentors, elders and spiritual leaders at your disposal and to commit yourself to the discipline of a covenant Christian life in order to succeed in life.
Absalom's case serves as a clear warning on the peril of unbridled ambition in youthful life. Our young people need to navigate life with patience and prudence. To everything there is a season. The Bible proclaims that there's a time for every purpose under heaven (Ecclesiastes 3:1). Whatever God has appointed for us in life will come at His appointed time. We cannot overtake God.
Scripture further exhorts in Proverbs 1:8-10:
"My son, hear the instruction of your father,
And do not forsake the law of your mother;
9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head,
And chains about your neck.
10 my son, if sinners entice you,
Do not consent."
Shalom
© Ezekiel Kimosop 2021
Great insight Rev on good parenting, be blessed.
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